i keep my distance but you still catch my eyes

as if i got a choice

2012-01-13T05:00:00.001-08:00

CCA vs Studies, Teacher vs Parents. You tell me how to choose?

GOODBYE 2011 AND HELLO 2012

2011-12-31T07:06:00.001-08:00

dear diary,
this will be my last 2011 post, and this is the 780 post for my blog!:)
HAPPY KIDDO!
okay, as usual, i will make a wish list for the new year!
so here i go!:)
WISH LIST:

1. receive a surprise for my 18th birthday (18th FOREVER)
2. BAI YUN GANG 2012 TO BE A SUCCESS! (REALLY CROSS MY FINGER! my 9th year in drama)
3. buy a green, brown and black shoe!:) (hahahah, shoe-maniac on the lose)
4. buy LEONA LEWIS's new GLASSHEART ALBUM! (L.L FTW)
5. have a great time in PROM (hope i can buy an unique suit, not the normal gray or white or black suit)
6. receive a bouquet of lovely flowers (i think i will squeal in delight)
7. attend a flashmob (i hope is some dancing or singing one, not like the retarded motionless one)
8. ALL MY FRIENDS AND PEOPLE THAT I KNOW CAN DONT NEED U-TURN AND TAKE As!:)
9. a levels to score well (OF COURSE)
10. NAFPA to score super well (I DON'T WANT TO GO ARMY 3 MONTHS EARLIER, i want my holidays)
11. CUT MOHAWK!:) (i always want to, just no courage to do so)
12. STAY OUT AT NIGHT TILL 12 MIDNIGHT!:) (difficult ba)
13. will not lose any of my current friends (i love them till the day i die)
14. buy suspenders (i really strong feeling that suspenders will be coming back to fashion)
15. change specs, but not because of the increase eye sight
16. visit USS! (until now, i dont dare to spend so much on entertainment)
17. PARENTS' HEALTH TO BE PERFECT!
18. buy green and red shorts (HAHAHA, JUST WANNA BE DARING FOR ANOTHER YEAR)
19. pierce my ear (IMPOSSIBLE)
20. buy the awesome white shoes with anthony (HAHAHHA, I REALLY HOPE)
21. have a great time during CLASS CHALET! (first time whole class outing sia)
22. keep in touch with JC friends after graduation
23. in the PINK OF HEALTH for most of the year!
24. 2012 NOT BE THE END OF WORLD! (i still got 2 milion things havent do, especially i haven't marry yet)
25. make someone happy everyday (yes, is important to BE HAPPY! CHEERS!)
26. give someone an awesome birthday present
27. watch the complete NOOSE season 5 (i love LULU and BABARELLA)
28. FACEBOOK 4000th PHOTOS (A FEW HUNDREDS LEFT)
29. my 333th tweet will be wishing myself HAPPY BIRTHDAY!:)

HAPPY NEW YEAR KIDS!:) me love my 3Fs. (family, friends and future wife)

i'm afraid to fall

2011-12-24T14:36:00.000-08:00

dear diary,
this is the first time that i'm not thankful to live another day for this year
yes, i love this december holiday
it is peaceful and quiet, no drama o rama
no inter-personal relationship problems
but the feeling that "im not really needed" came rushing back last night
just feel very sad
i stopped typing, to wonder how many of my friends will cry and miss me when i die.
then i realised that i'm shallow
i seems to have a thousand friends but how many of them are really close friends
i treat many of my friends like i'll die without them
but it seems that none of them treat me back the same
sometimes, i just need people to call me "darling, dear, my love" instead of "buddy, awesome"
so, i think that "i'm not really needed" part is true
yes, i die everyday waiting for my friends to love me like they would die without me
maybe the day may not happen
okay, you can't blame me
since last year, i realised that things never go the way i visualised or imagined
so sometimes, i also gave up on my imagination
there are times that i feel very insecure
yes, this should be the period.
dearest diary, am i that insignificant?
so am i only needed to teach people math and listen to people's complaints?
is that it
what about after education part? where i have to stop teaching people math and haveto stop listening to people's complaints
will my time be up?
i realised that no one is going to help me cos people never will.
okay, people just gonna treat this whole thing as a joke and laugh
dear diary, merry christmas to you!
you are really one of my best friends since 2008.
i love you.

im in a foul mood now

2011-12-24T06:57:00.000-08:00

dear diary,
i'm in a foul mood now
seriously, thinking back
i just want this FUCKING YEAR END ASAP
it's a bitter year, super bitter
many inter-personal relationship
too many changes
as usual, i think people treat me like shit
好马被人骑，好人被人欺
i miss my secondary school friends although nobody call me out
but i perfectly fine with it to a certain extent
however, i miss all of my friends dearly
i swear that after a levels, im going to pick up where i left

when we are 27 or 87...

2011-12-22T03:53:00.000-08:00

i'm 17 and i have the rest of my life ahead of me. and when we are 27 or 87, i will just want to look back at the remaining couple of months and talk about how it was the best time of our lives

爱爆

2011-12-15T07:00:00.000-08:00

我JC班只有三个男生，但各有千秋。一位是很像永远长不大的幼稚大男孩，另一位是三天生小病，五天生大病的高大“壮”男，最后一位当然是非笔墨所能形容的完满男孩！

close

2011-12-13T15:20:00.001-08:00

dear diary,
i realised im always very fast to treat people like best friend forever
though i never believe in forever
in the end, im the one who got hurt to the max.
thanks, life.

check against the list again

2011-12-12T23:14:00.000-08:00

as usual, this year is coming to an end
omgosh, we are aging so fast

1. buy a yellow shirt(it is just an impulse)
okay, i did! it really happened somewhere near the start of the year. though it is abit big but i like the brightness!:)

2. read finish all kelley's books (they are damm good, i love it cos it touches on magical creatures)
hahahah, i didnt. in the end, i gave up. reading the sword of truth series. damn good!:) i love my seeker and the confessor! <3

3. start saving money (i want to save 250 dollars this year:D)
YES, I THINK I GOT SAVE THIS MUCH!

4. plant my flowers seeds and witness them bloom (haha, i havent started planting it as im lack of soil)
hahahaha, this is a funny wish. I DIDNT MAKE IT. (SHAKE HEAD)

5. go for syf this year (i dont know what will be my cca for this year)
yes, i did went for syf. got silver -.- was rather disappointed. AIYO, IS THIS THE JIAYI'S SYF CURSE!

6. go back to zhonghua to help out (regardless whether it is cca or council)
yes, plentiful! i think

7. score well for o levels (who doesnt want to?)
YES, I DID SCORE WELL. I DIDNT MUCH HOPE FOR 6 POINTS. in the end, i got my perfect 11. such a nice score, never regretted much

8. dance till i go crazy
everynight!:)

9. go out till 12 am midnight (sounds impossible, but impossible is possible)
soon will accomplish this. i hope i can stay overnight for class chalet but that will be next year

10. write a story, send it to the newspaper company for it to be published (HAHA. SO COOL RIGHT! by:jiayi(M))
hahaha, but didnt. but i am currently writing for next year BYG!

11. dont cry for a year (another impossible thing!)
didnt cry MUCH, but i cry for alot of stupid things like during xingqin's birthday!:)

12. buy another pair of shoes (ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, IM A SHOEHOLIC)
instead of one pair, i bought 5 i think!:)

13. catch another NC16 movie (recent one is THE LITTLE FOCKERS, DAMM FUNNY BUT SO NO PLOT)
YES, THE BEST NC16 MOVIE IS APPLE OF MY EYE!:) I REALLY CAN FORGO ALL THE REST BUT I CANNOT MISS THIS AWESOME SHOW!:)

14. dont insult people (i broke it today!D:)
hahah, for the greater benefit of others!

15. picnic (under the warm evening sun light)
yes, along with the NY people. it was indeed a lovely day

16. dont age (REMEMBER IM THE FOREVER YOUNG!)
huh!? im 17!? not diff!

17. go for THEATRESPORTS DRAMA CAMP :D)))))) (hope i got time for it)
sad, i didnt make it cos going swiss!:( next year, after my As!

18. hope that leona lewis will have a new album
nope! mega sad:(

19. wish that this year has more drama rama (NOT TO MY LIFE, TO OTHERS, SO I CAN GOSSIP ON IT)
it was a very drama year!:) there isnt a year without drama for me to forget.

20. hope that people can forgive me easily (dont need to cry or argue over dumb things)
IMPOSSIBLE. -.-

21. hope that people sometimes can heed my advices (hmm... still NO ONE LISTEN TO ME, THOUGH MOST OF THE TIME, IM CORRECT!)
ya la, for maths only!

22. wish that friendships will not turn sour (seems tough but still have to try)
hahaha, broken it. long story dear!

23. my photos on facebook will hit 2000 (OMG!!!!! CAMWHORE QUEEN! QUEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!)
YES! I F*CKING DID IT! AIMING 3000 NEXT YEAR!:)

24. go partying till i turn crazy (HAHA, THE REBELLIOUS SIDE OF ME STILL EXSISTS!)
most days!:)

25. find love
everyday, im surrounded by my love ones

26. BE HAPPY ALWAYS (MOST IMPORTANT!)
DIDNT ALWAYS, MOSTLY YES!

filthy rich

2011-12-05T15:29:00.000-08:00

if im rich
there are so many things that i wanna do
but one thing i die die have to do is
to grab my passport, randomly pour things into a luggage and fly to new york!:)

jerk

2011-12-02T03:46:00.000-08:00

dear diary,
the feeling is bad
those negative thoughts are swarming back
i never stop thinking of the letter
the content of the letter
im really am an ass at times
why can't i just switch my feelings off?

lets review

2011-12-01T03:22:00.000-08:00

dear diary,
i must admit that since sec 3, i know that my every holiday must be fantabulous!:)
this year will be an unique one
instead of the original schedule to fly to overseas
i took the challenge to fly to another dimension
i love this current holiday
nothing big or special to take care of
just be myself and myself
dont need to care about any inter-personal relationship
O.M.L.I!:)
today i did two stupid things
first, i have a strong craving for ruffles
seriously, my favourite potato chips is ruffles
they are always so crispy
and they are jagged looking
and they are salty!:)
anyway, it was drizzling outside
and there is no umbrella at home
so i put on my CERN dark blue sweater and i walked to rivervale plaza just to buy a packet of my love!:)
hahaha, it was an act of impulse but i dont regret it
sometimes, we have to do things out of our normal routine
oh boy, you know how much walking in rain without a brolly
the acid in the rainwater will corrode your skin cells

secondly, i board the train from sengkang to toa payoh to borrow the fifth book of my SWORD OF TRUTH series.
there, i met an old housing agent who was using the library comp to print some notes
seriously, i dont know how to print things in public place
even in NYJC, I HAD TO ASK PEOPLE TO HELP ME!
in the end, i spent thirty minutes to help her and the thing cant be opened
hmm... NO COMMENTS
then i dashed to the third level which is the teenager section
my eyes scanned for "GOO" since the author's name is terry GOOdkind
in the end, it wasnt there!
WTS!
I WAS DISAPPOINTED
i searched for the book in the entire library
it wasnt in the library
i checked the catalogue using the library's comp and it said it was currently not on loan
i swear it was either the girls or the boy that "stole" it from me
feeling really disappointed and i swore that i will lay my hands on the book
i board the mrt and rushed to Yishun
and i almost run to the library
my heart was pounding real fast and i was praying that the last "faith of the fallen" book in singapore wont be borrowed by someone else
in the end, my current love was sitting there
it seems to be waiting for me
i practically cradle it gently in my arms like a child
and i was grinning all the way to loan it
GOSH, IT WAS A GOOD DAY!:)

those days

2011-11-29T06:05:00.002-08:00

those days that i want to:
1. smoke
2. be drunk
3. get a tattoo
4. have a piercing
are coming back!:)

those days

2011-11-29T06:05:00.000-08:00

those days that i want to:
1. smoke
2. be drunk
3. get a tatoo
4. have a piercing
are all coming back!:)

不够诚恳

2011-11-28T03:51:00.000-08:00

最近，我收到一封信
信中的内容真的震撼了我
让我恍然醒悟
其中的一行是关于我对身边的朋友不够诚恳
这些年，我觉得我的朋友很不幸
因为他们有我当他们的朋友
真的很对不起
我以为我很诚恳
可是在另一个人的眼中，我竟然是如此的
所谓“旁观者清，当局者迷”
就算我很不想听，但我不得不听进去
我真的很失败
虽然有时候蛮不讲理，或讲话时，会伤人之外，
我觉得自己真的蛮不错了。
原来我的真的欺骗自己五年了。
我不就是如此吗？
整天害死别人，教人学坏。
我还有什么好的呢？

tears just can't

2011-11-20T14:14:00.000-08:00

sometimes, when you are too stress or sad
that tears just can't express your emotions
tears just can't come out
i feel like i should be the one thast retains
i don't want to face people that think that they know me very well
i just don't want to feel the enormous stress
funny part is that i don't feel stress during exam periods or duirng op than now.
i hate you, jc.
i just want to get out of it
and go to D&D and forget everything about jc.
please.
let me reunite with people i love in another plane.

selfish or selfless

2011-11-14T02:29:00.000-08:00

i prayed that everyone that i know,
my friends who are jc and classmates and myself
that they will promote
i cannot afford to lose anyone anymore
i lost many things this year
i just can't keep on losing things
i want everyone
call me selfish
i want everything to go back to last year
where i still have everyone, everything and every moment of life
i just want it
is it too much to ask?
looking bad, i will rather lose all my shoes than lose friends.

2011-11-12T04:15:00.000-08:00

all this money can't buy me a time machine
can't replace you with a million rings

secrets 2

2011-11-09T05:08:00.001-08:00

someone posted this, "before i die, i want to take my mom on the vacation of her dreams."
regardless of whatever reasons, i cried.
secretly, if you want to fulfill this wish and you grant me the honour. i hope that you can take my mom instead on a vacation of her dreams. let her be your mom too.

do you ever wonder

2011-11-09T04:59:00.001-08:00

do you ever wonder
how many people will always stand by yourself even if the whole world lost all its light?
how many people will cry while standing at your coffin?
how many people are worthy of all the tears that you shed?
how many of them are your true friends?
where is your soul mate?
whether you will be alone when you are older?

treating nice

2011-11-08T04:58:00.000-08:00

我人不毒，只是嘴巴贱了点。
Therefore, i decided to praise anyone that i think that they deserve it

seriously, today was a damn pissed off day.
I really quite sicking of the drama o rama
i wonder why people just can't shut up and listen
whenever we say something, she will think of ways to rebutt
is damn irritiating
i don't comment because i like to show off
i comment because i think that there is an area for improvement
besides, you say you wanna an ee
im trying to help you score an ee
but you dont listen
really, suan le bei
i throw you one floating vessel and you ownself spoil it
i tried and don't you dare be sad or cry in front of me
seriously, if you love crying, then just cry
everyday, i tell myself that forgiving others is equals to forgiving myself
but dearest blog, i can't forgive her.
Too bad, you are more hypocritical for me.
I'm a better actor than you.

21

2011-10-27T04:47:00.001-07:00

i realised i missed you since 21 march 2011.

i beat

2011-10-26T16:26:00.000-07:00

i'm brave
once, i considered to commit suicide
now, i don't cos i'm not going to die without marrying the girl that i love for my entire life.

2011-10-26T06:26:00.000-07:00

dear diary,
now it seems that facebook is ain't safe anymore
at least, i still have my own blog where people don't know and can't find it.
i love my blog cos i can confine everything here, without any worries.
i don't know why she keeps on misunderstanding my words
it is my mind and my feelings
facebook keep on asking what's on my mind
so shouldn't i just say the truth
i mean why would i even bother about others unless it is a sexist or racial discrimination comment.
so i can't even have the rights to say my own opinions.
thanks, i thought you are my friend
classmate at least
to you, i'm just someone shallow
the truth, i have my own thoughts
and you are the one who is shallow
put yourself in my shoes, you should understand everything that i feel.
but too bad, you aren't me
you will not understand anything regarding me
so don't think you can read my mind
when i'm sure that i built a fortress around it
to make sure you don't know what i'm thinking.

thank you

2011-10-25T04:38:00.000-07:00

thank you today
thank you DA BO GONG
thank you family
thank you friends
thank you jiayi
all of you shaped me into who i am

F*CK

2011-10-21T14:46:00.000-07:00

dear diary,
sorry, i'd neglected you for a long time
i was rather busy for promos and pw
this week had been one of the most tiring week
my back is really painful cos i have been carrying my laptop everyday
my patience is definitely wearing thin
throughout the year, i feel like i'm very nice to everybody
even if people step on my toes, i just tolerate, instead of screaming straight in the face
i can't imagine how long i can just tolerate and forget everything and pretend that everything is gonna be okay
yesterday, i can't stand the guilt
it sounds like im a bad guy
cos my strategies came out rather late
god, im so bad
i really hate myself, hate this world, hate PW
people are selfish

for

2011-10-15T01:36:00.000-07:00

we just need someone to love us for who we are, for who we are not and for who we will be.

2011-09-29T04:27:00.000-07:00

dear diary,
i'm really scared
about tomorrow and promos
i fear it more than i fear for o levels
gosh, i'm just worried about the future
what if i make the wrong step
this whole year will go into waste.

heartbroken

2011-09-28T23:07:00.001-07:00

dear diary,
we always love to do things that make ourself heart broken
other days, im perfectly alright if someone say i'm stupid
maybe not today

100 IN 2011

2011-09-09T09:21:00.001-07:00

i celebrated zhonghua's 100 anniversary in an unique way
yes, i didn't went for the dinner
hmm... it is 80 dollars!
that will be equals to about 4 pairs of cotton on shoes
but i went out with my darlings
it is like since 30 million years since we 5 last go out together
IT IS GREAT
I LOVE ZHONGHUA
YOU GAVE ME LOVE!

tear down all the walls

2011-09-03T05:10:00.000-07:00

don't

2011-09-02T04:49:00.000-07:00

my heart scream for freedom

2011-09-01T04:27:00.000-07:00

2011 is just a year of disappointment
everyday is just filled with endless disappointment.
do you think that i don't want to go out?
yes, i do
MY HEART SCREAM FOR FREEDOM
but reality always slap me in the face
sometimes, i'm really very scared that reality will just take my one second of happiness.
what's the purpose of going out and painting the town red
when you know that someone or something will destroy the precious moment
yes, i know my happiness is like a dandelion
just continue stepping on it

i hate my imagination
thought it is the best trait within me
reality is always the reverse of my imagination
all the time, i imagine about the future, the moment that someone praise me, the positive outcomes of my decision
but it always come out differently from what i imagine
like a hurricane that swept through a green and smooth pasture
leaving behind debris and despair
maybe, it is really time for me to slap whenever i imagine
cos it will never be what i imagine
i dont know why
the worse part, every nightmare that i dreamt of
always come true

"home is the place where all the people you live in stay there"
this quote is from "I AM NUMBER FOUR"
but what if you have a home but you just don't enjoy stayign there
what's the purpose of befriending some many people
but at the end of the day, you hardly know everyone
i remember someone in my new class
said that "jiayi can just find anyone in the canteen to have lunch with"
do you know that wasn't a compliment
cos i feel cheap
i know many but many do not know me
wanna see my inner side?
do you really want to?

dear diary,
whats the purpose of helping people laugh when no one gets the hint that you need the help the most?
kinda of pathetic right
so what if you cry for help for the past eight months
and no one is doing any shit
do you really wanna listen?

im not angry or sad
but just disappointed
wanna grant me a wish?
i just want to feel happy for an hour now and no one is there to destroy it for the next hour

2011-08-26T15:48:00.001-07:00

supernatural is damn good

remember

2011-08-26T04:49:00.000-07:00

do you remember that today, exactly a year ago
secrets are spilled
ties are broken
things are never the same
except one
my feelings for you
i hope you remember

happiness is a sin

2011-08-25T06:07:00.000-07:00

dear diary,
happiness is a sin
if it isn't, people around me won't be trying their best to crush my little happy moments
i feel that i'm never granted the chance to feel happy
whenever i feel happy, others will try to trumple over it
like a little dandelion
i will be standing there, i want to save that fragile flower
before it is stained by the dirty and muddy footprints
but i can't do much
many times, i will just stand there and cry
tonight, i didn't
i just hold back my tears
worse, my whole family is ganging up with the rest of the baddies
to try to crush my little happiness
thank you
i graduated from zhonghua and so i lost my second home
i went to jc and jc will never be my second home
now, my home is not a home

the only thing

2011-08-24T14:51:00.000-07:00

the only thing that keeps me alive
is knowing that i will get married one day

angel and demon

2011-08-21T02:35:00.000-07:00

we can be both an angel and a demon for the same course of action -jiayi(m)
please, do not be me
within this frail body frame
i'm both an angel and a demon
armed with the tongue of fire
words out of my mouth are arrows
which pierce into people's hearts
to protect others from coming near
i swore that no man can read me truely
i started to build walls since i was nine
strong iron walls and angel traps on them
just to deter the evil spirits away
to prevent angels from saving me
just because i know other people needs help too
i ain't saint
but i just want people around me to be happy
so they will definitely not follow my footsteps
into the dark deep hole for eternity
do not judge me cos you dont know my true intentions
like wise, the best intentions bring the biggest harm
yes, harm to me solely
do not think that you know me well
when you know no shit about me
if you do, you will definitely hide from me
cos i am just a demon
with strong walls around me
i need help and i need saving
but no one want to do
thus, i gave up
hoping they will help others first
do i have a chance to receive the light?
i don't really care
but i do wish that you will quit acting like me
cos i don't want people to know the true side of me
cos im scared of the other me too
stop forcing it to come out
since i locked it in the treasure box for the past 16 years

2011-08-19T16:53:00.001-07:00

There may be three or four choices that shapes someone's whole life
and you need to be the one that makes the choice

-from supernatural

2011-08-19T07:10:00.001-07:00

I love those type of friendships that don’t require a lot of effort. We may not see each other as much as we want to or talk as much as we used to, but it doesn’t change the fact that we’re friends no matter what. They can do their own thing and I can do my own thing. What’s important is that whenever we do see each other again, we can pick up right from where we left off without making it awkward. Any friendship that works out like that is a friendship worth having.

From someone dear to me!:)

2011-08-18T05:15:00.001-07:00

i'm sick of people putting words into my mouth
stop thinking that you can read my mind
if you really do, i swear that you will be disguisted by my thoughts
so don't pretend that you know me when you know no shit about me

even when

2011-08-15T07:02:00.000-07:00

even when she was a sweet girl and he a latter
they only have eyes for each other
their love will never crumble
though the earth below rumble

even when the world was sinking deep
they believed and took a faithful leap
carrying the faith that they may still see tomorrow sun
acting as the pillar for each other while they run

my heart will go on

2011-08-15T06:56:00.000-07:00

do you believe in titanic's love story?

maybe then you'll hear the words i been singing

2011-08-13T03:58:00.000-07:00

If I die young, bury me in satin

Lay me down on a bed of roses

Sink me in the river at dawn

Send me away with the words of a love song

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother

She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors

Oh, and life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no

Ain't even gray, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life

Well, I've had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin

Lay me down on a bed of roses

Sink me in the river at dawn

Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life

Well, I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom

I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger

I've never known the loving of a man

But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand

There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever

Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life

Well, I've had just enough time

So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls

What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar

They're worth so much more after I'm a goner

And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singing

Funny, when you're dead how people start listening

If I die young, bury me in satin

Lay me down on a bed of roses

Sink me in the river at dawn

Send me away with the words of a love song

The ballad of a dove

Go with peace and love

Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket

Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them, oh

The sharp knife of a short life

Well, I've had just enough time

So put on your best, boys

And I'll wear my pearls

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!:)

2011-08-08T09:03:00.000-07:00

I LOVE YOU SINGAPORE!
I REALLY THANK GOD THAT IM BORN HERE
MUACKS MUACKS MUACKS!:)

还有谁能教我勇敢又爱

2011-08-05T20:21:00.000-07:00

warrior

2011-08-03T23:45:00.000-07:00

dear diary,
i feel that i'm a warrior
at least, i dare to meet challenges though i always tired of finding solutions to my endless troubles.

2011-08-02T07:18:00.000-07:00

my dear, be brave
dont be a slave
you can lose all
but stil have to stand tall

its alright if you burn
no one will prepare you an urn
you still have to raise the flames
be better and not be blamed

a little bit

2011-08-02T04:48:00.001-07:00

yes, i just need someone to give me a little bit of encouragement
just say well done, dai. you are brave.

2011-08-01T07:30:00.000-07:00

dear diary,
my head has been aching so much recently.
Gosh, i need aspirin.

2011-07-26T04:40:00.000-07:00

2011-07-21T05:28:00.001-07:00

do you know im so forgetful
cos i can procrastinate
and there will always be something waiting for me to complete
and this gives me a reason to live each day.

i gave up

2011-07-21T05:15:00.000-07:00

I GIVE IN TO REALITY LE
im stupid
im dumb
im useless
im talentless
im shallow
im just the guy that everyone thinks that im so cheerful
come on, step on me
i welcome you all to do so
you know why im AA?
cos i just want someone to tell me is okay to stop pretending, i can help you!
i need help, i acknowledge
the problem is no one wants to help me
everyone is ignoring my call for help.

take the luggage

2011-07-21T04:56:00.001-07:00

yes, i want to take the luggage again.
this time to somewhere where i can really call a school.

i never really love myself

2011-07-19T04:39:00.000-07:00

since the start of this year, i was abandoned
people left me without their goodbyes
i felt lonely and worthless
today is the day that i really love myself
im so proud of myself
after fighting for so long, i am still standing
i pretended, lied and lived through all the shit
i will continue to fight
no matter how people insult me, no matter how people preach me when they dont do what they preached
yes, i love myself

a penny save

2011-07-13T05:30:00.000-07:00

a penny that i save now is another penny to support you in future.

2011-07-11T17:49:00.000-07:00

You know what sucks the most?
People know that you are in trouble, but no one gives a shit.

yes papa, no papa

2011-07-04T08:15:00.000-07:00

yes papa, i love you
no papa, but you just dont know me well

2011-07-01T05:28:00.001-07:00

pretty and beautiful

2011-06-30T07:40:00.001-07:00

if others are pretty, you are definitely beautiful.
And i make sure you know that.

i wish

2011-06-28T14:53:00.000-07:00

i wish that you know how to save a life
cos you can save mine.

dai jiayi

2011-06-27T16:34:00.000-07:00

dai jiayi, you better start study earlier for promo
you are not going to make this mistake anymore
you aren't born to be smart,
so you must work hard
but what if i dont want to anymore
i endured for 2 years
what makes you think i have the effort to endure for another 2 year?

everyone has one, whats yours?

2011-06-26T15:59:00.001-07:00

dear diary,
reading through some of the secrets that people living in the other hemisphere posted on sixbillionsecrets.com make me sorta of reflect about the past
i miss the past

crave

2011-06-25T04:56:00.000-07:00

i want to watch vampire diaries again!
RIP AUNT JENNA!
YOU ARE ONE OF MY FAVOURTIE CHARACTER LE, THOUGH YOU ARE DEAD:(

come on skinny love

2011-06-23T17:50:00.001-07:00

embrace

2011-06-23T08:38:00.000-07:00

love yourself today cos baby you were born this way!

2011-06-20T17:34:00.000-07:00

you bet i am still damn fucking pissed.

2011-06-20T04:43:00.001-07:00

YES, I FUCKING HATE JC

CRASH

2011-06-20T03:59:00.000-07:00

dear diary,
i just wished that the airplane will crash
and im the only one die in this accident
i want to give up
i hate this life
i cant continue
i am doubting my own capability
i have no talent
i am dumb
i am not happy
i want to be happy
THE MAN ABOVE, SEND ME SOME ANSWER

is worth it

2011-06-19T09:39:00.000-07:00

dear diary,
i didnt suffer from jetlag
i'm super tired since 10 pm
but i kept on waiting for that msg to come
and when it comes, the wait is definitely worth it

2011-06-10T02:59:00.000-07:00

if i meet any trouble with the ang mohs, i will just use hokkien vulgar and chinese sarcasm to shoot them!:)

for you, to you and still only you

2011-06-09T07:27:00.000-07:00

its indeed a beautiful night

i really can use a wish now

2011-06-07T05:58:00.000-07:00

dear diary, i had fever twice for today
i feel super cold and body is super hot
anyway, today is super bad
first, the you deng had a crack all the sudden
it is a bad omen, i think cos it had spent years with us and all the sudden, due to the flames, it had a crack
then, i got fever twice
last, the light bulb i changed once, fused within a day
hmm... i conclude it is a bad omen
i dont know
maybe, da bo gong is stopping me going to swizterland or they are just coincident
(shrug my shoulder)
i dont know
but i really can use a wish now
make it three wishes
i dont know what to wish anyway
maybe i just reserve it for other days

seeking for help

2011-06-05T06:47:00.000-07:00

six months and five days has passed since i laugh till my stomach aches and i started tearing
i'm still counting till that day happens again.

SECRET OF THE DAY

2011-06-03T06:16:00.001-07:00

okay, i decided that i should post a secret every month
IN FACT, I SHALL POST TWO TODAY
1. i used two dollars to buy 4 packet of tissues and i'm truly happy cos the uncle smiled super brightly to me:)
2. i hugged my papa and i LOVE it

I JUST HEART THIS TWO SONGS

2011-06-02T08:18:00.000-07:00

no matter gay, straight or bi, lesbian or trangendered life
i'm on the right track. baby, i was born to survive
no matter black or white or chola orient made
i'm on the right track. baby, i was born to be brave

we should stop being stereotypes

pull on shade cos i will be dancing in the flames

2011-05-31T05:22:00.001-07:00

i thought you had forgotten about it

packed my luggage

2011-05-30T19:48:00.000-07:00

dear diary,
since young, i never view myself as a businessman or a scientist or anything
i had always detest office work or with long hours (from 9-5)
i always listen to papa's order
he wants me to go ajc
yes, i tried to but i really don't like it
thus, i landed myself in nyjc
i thought i would enjoy jc life like how i did in zhonghua
but sadly, i really hate it cos the teachers are bloodly cold
no sense of humor, you cannot persuade them since they are as stubborn as an ass
occasionally, i will just sit down there and wonder
what the hell am i doing here
i get the things, is just that i wanna give up
jiayi wants to give up now
right now!
I just wanna walk out of classroom, slam the door
walk home and take my passport
pack my luggage and walk out of home
take a cab to the airport and book any random ticket
sian, i just hate this life
dai jiayi is no longer brave
dai jiayi no longer wants to fight
dai jiayi just wanna die.

o.o

2011-05-30T16:15:00.000-07:00

okay, there are somethings that i don't understand
1. people don't say thank you when they are suppose to (come on, it won't kills to say these 8 letters 2 words)
2. jc teachers are so cold (you all said that it will be 2 stressing years, so why don't we just be more friendly and nice to one another)
3. people have weird names for facebook (i never get it)

2011-05-27T05:01:00.000-07:00

i will pay anything just to see you again

always

2011-05-27T04:47:00.000-07:00

he gave nothing to her but his heart
nothing can ever bring them apart

she is fearless when they elope
with him, he is her only hope

he put an end to all the drama
ease her pain when she went through those trauma

she promise to love him always
even when death pulls them in different ways

a brand new thing

2011-05-23T02:43:00.001-07:00

dear diary,
okay, this is really weird cos it is my first time blogging using laptop in school
today is pretty fine and well, except the part that i need to stay back to do the announcement script
it isnt that i hate doing so is just that i know no one in the canteen
i wont say that this canteen is mega big but i think there is no warmth within
anyone, it is so obvious when a guy likes a girl
take for example, my friend's friend is stiing at the opposite end of the canteen, with a girl
from his eyes, you can definitely see that he likes her
hmmm... love is so weird at times
well, i wished the best out of them!:)

tell you the truth

2011-05-22T06:09:00.000-07:00

i don't hate my jc
but i miss my secondary school alot
every corner that i made, i will know the person
regardless whether we are/ were in terms of good or sour relationship
i will know his/ her class and which cca he/ she is
thats my ex-life
thinking about the past, i really missed the past
there is lesser stress, lesser headache
more smiles and more friends
louder and longer laughters and super loud voice that can spread across the classroom or canteen
i miss those days and i'm definitely telling you the truth

2011-05-17T01:27:00.000-07:00

to me, you are lovely
i just want you to be happy
though i'm not at your side
i really wish that you are fine

JUST DANCE MAN!

2011-05-17T00:43:00.001-07:00

ITS OFFICIAL, I HEART THIS SONG!:)
i just want to be a dancing queen
and dance whole day!:)

pretty annoyed, i suppose

2011-05-15T05:43:00.000-07:00

dear diary,
im pretty annoyed now
not with people but with myself
kinda of resenting growing up now
when you are young, you wish that you can grow up faster
when you are really aging, you really do wish that the fairy godmother will pop out magically
and granting you a tiny little wish that you will never grow up
you are like racing with age
as you run, the scenery changes
from the sweet meadow field to the dirty overskying towers
you are afraid of the harsh realistic
now i just wish that either i can stop growing up or become an ostrich
just bury my head under the grow and hope that no one will notice me and im out of danger
im really upset with my current life
jc is a short and stress two years
Okay, the hardworking jiayi is dead, i think
i really am fearless and timid at the same time
i just need a cover and a shelter over my delicate head
maybe a small raindrop can corrode me into dust instantaneously
god, i really need someone from above to give me a great piece of advice
though my father and i are similar in many areas, but i never seem to have the talent of dreaming
da bo gong giving me a tinie weenie advice
hmm... I guess jiayi dai is switching back into his bo-chap mood
for this coming week, i must learnt to tolerate
i wonder how much longer can i tolerate without screaming my head?
Is like two zillion years since i last scolded someone
i really need to scream and shut down afterwards

miss

2011-05-10T06:52:00.000-07:00

tell me what you want to hear, something that will light those ears.

code

2011-05-09T07:07:00.000-07:00

dtfdmhz, h knud xnt!:)

my heart and stomach

2011-05-05T07:08:00.000-07:00

the reason why i cannot speak properly when i'm talking to you is because i get butterflies in my stomach and my heart keep on pumping really fast.

2011-04-27T06:21:00.001-07:00

2011-04-24T06:01:00.000-07:00

绝不放弃希望，因为希望还没放弃你。
这是我这几天学到的。
最近，生活都是忙忙碌碌的，真的好久没有好好的休息。
因为如此，我也开始憎恨人生
觉得一切都毫无乐趣，也有一度想放弃希望。
那时的我真的觉得自己没退路。
若我真的退一步，我可能回跌进深洞里。
可是我依然硬着头皮，继续生活。
回首，我真的得感谢母亲的一句话。
人，一定要勇敢。

2011-04-22T00:45:00.001-07:00

country and flowers

2011-04-20T21:51:00.000-07:00

dear diary,
today, i kept on day dreaming during lectures
maybe the feeling of doubting myself is back
sometimes you really have to wonder why are you doing in jc
had a rather inspiring talks
it is really cool and wonderful
i think the speaker leads a rather cool life
climing mountains and walking through deserts
i still prefer a country life and plantin flowers
i cant wait till this day to happen.

world class

2011-04-20T07:38:00.001-07:00

dear diary,
though i don't own much things in my humble life
but i must admit that my best friends are WORLD CLASS PEOPLE!
i love them all, no matter how i meet them!:D
they gave me strength to continue living!:D
I LOVE all of them!

2011-04-18T17:55:00.000-07:00

Dear diary,
to me, im never really a positive-thinker
i always thought in the negative way
but now, life really seems to be bad, real bad
initially, i thought secondary school is terrible
but now jc is undescribable
this is real bad
no motivation to study
shucks, i sound like me during secondary school life
aiyo, long time havent heard of a happy news.

2011-04-17T20:31:00.000-07:00

dear diary,
this will be the second post for the day.
Once again, i really dont't feel good.
There is something in my oesophagus, ad i feel like vommting
people are blocking my wa and im dam pissed off
why cant people just walk abit faster?
Okay, im in a complaining and whining mood.
Probably due to the bad weather
everyone and every sall thing is pissing me off and i feel really impatient now
okay, i realised that i dont feel like going to school
cos i know i will treat everyone really bad.
What should i do now?
Hmmm... All the sudden, i feel like scolding everyone and everything
i just want to fly to overseas, to a countrysite and grow flowers
i hate my current way of life.

2011-04-17T17:10:00.000-07:00

Dear diary,
the feeling came back again
doubting myself again
this time, is really chop chop no time
i don't have time to do many things.
However, when im free, im doing stupid things
im not memorising bio notes, haven't study for econs, i just don't feel like
mama told me to be strong
but the problem is so what if you are strong, when you dont have any more will power to do anything
weekends are so short and i can't wait for syf to end
dear diary, once again i plead for people to help me out.

2011-04-17T06:23:00.000-07:00

Dear diary,
i feel like vommitting now
i don't know leh
maybe i'm going to fall sick or i just wish to be sick now
i really wanna take a break
i realised i had become very slack nowadays
but i just want to press the quit button
nothing worth to wake up everday
in the best, there is many reasons to wake up
now, you wake up and realised that there is no surprises
everyday is the same
i miss my old friends
such days are luxury man
i miss them.

2011-04-15T17:29:00.000-07:00

Dear diary,
don't you wish that time can rotate back and everything will be pleasant and nice
people will smile and wave to you where ever you are
don't you just wish that these days can come back and you can live them once more
i miss those days man. Those days were awesomely good!:)

when you're gone

2011-04-14T00:13:00.000-07:00

dear diary,
sometimes a new environment isn't really a great start
it makes you alone and out of place
some place smiliar but many more out of place
when you're all alone, you will feel that you just drop from heaven into hell
you miss all the people you used to be close with
today, i admit that i made a sin
i forgotten all about vincent's birthday till this morning
i on my laptop and went into facebook and i saw the birthday page
finally, i understood why is it possible to forget a special day of someone you love and miss dearly.
Dear diary, i thought i could always smile everyday i go to school
however, i find it impossible to do so when you all are gone
indeed, a huge piece of my heart is missing too.

Bored during gp lesson

2011-04-10T23:34:00.000-07:00

dear diary,
today starts pretty happy:)
papa fetched me to school, first time for this year.
Oh man, i missed the days that he fetched me to zhonghua every monday morning
he mistaken the construction site entrance as nanyang jc school gate
okay, he was pretty fascinated by the school compound cos this is the first time that he entered nyjc
i waited for his car to u turn and drive out of the school cos im damm scared he dont know how to drive out
maybe, i think too much.
Chem lecture was rather effective but that dull and boring chem teacher sped through the whole chemical bonding booklet like some rocket
hmm... Gaseous lecture is fun cos i love the teaching of the old teacher
she is damm cute and funny, as compared to the dull and boring to teacher.
Math was alright, i guess!:) im so going to miss vectors, oh man!:(
i finally grasp the concept and now it ended
bio lecture was funny too
gary neo's lecture is damm cool
he seems to never grow up cos he acted like some small kid
now, im having gp
i love gp not because i love english but because the teacher is damm slack
gao ming is sitting on my left and hexuan is on my right
they both have ear pieces on, and the classroom is so quiet
people are either listening to music or doing compre or both
hmm... Im am blogging now
damm cool right? To blog during gp lesson:)
oh well, aaron went home cos he got a flu
everyone is having flu, maybe eugenia will have cos i read on her tumblr
oh man, everyone take good care of yourself!:) syf period is here!:)
in conclusion, it is indeed a beautiful day.
This is the first monday that i enjoyed for the entire year!:)